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When a Japanese American friend began dating online, she expressed skepticism about a white guy who wrote on his profile that he had lived in Japan and likes anime: “I’m just not sure that he’s just interested in me because he’s got an Asian fetish, you know? That’s why when I see articles that seem to address them, I click and read, because I want to understand why these thoughts exist.The problem is, the more I was reading such articles, the more they confused and upset me.But like most white Americans who still represent the nation’s majority demographic, he also rarely thinks about his skin color—a privilege that minorities in this country don’t have. It doesn’t matter how Americanized I am, people will always see me as a Korean American.
That column by the Latino guy who broke up with his white girlfriend describes his internal angst with such clarity: “How did we get here? How do I love as a brown body in the world in a way that makes everybody happy?You’re the least submissive and most stubborn person I know!” When I try to discuss more complex racial issues, he gets uncomfortable, and I get it: In today’s “woke” culture, a white, straight male can never say anything right, and that’s not good.Nowhere in that interview did I hear her talk about being equally yoked or seeking commitment, mutual respect and trust, sacrificial love, and open communication.
Instead, she focused on skin color, sociology, and how it made her feel about herself. In the United States, it’s been only a few decades since the Supreme Court overturned laws banning interracial marriage in some states.I grew up as a missionary kid in Singapore; David grew up in a middle-class suburban home with a pool in the Midwest.